


Unfaithfully Yours

by harl0twith4balloon (i_am_op)



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, M/M, Minor Padmé Amidala/Anakin Skywalker, Obsessive Behavior
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-19
Updated: 2021-01-19
Packaged: 2021-03-17 22:14:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,506
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28856412
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/i_am_op/pseuds/harl0twith4balloon
Summary: He lays a kiss on Padmé's cheeks and strokes her hair, slowly and deliberately, Padmé giggling softly underneath him.He wonders what it'd feel like, to have his Master beneath him, smiling at him as if he were the center of his universe.
Relationships: Obi-Wan Kenobi/Anakin Skywalker
Comments: 5
Kudos: 74





	Unfaithfully Yours

"Anakin," Padmé says, and her voice is regal, commanding and quite fitting for her, but Anakin imagines a more deeper, a more _softer_ voice. A voice he's heard so often that he hears it in his dreams and invades his thoughts completely. 

He says nothing about his thoughts though, merely hums back a response while tilting his head towards her, with Padmé sitting on their bed with her features all scrunched up and hand nervously resting on top of her stomach. It's gotten slightly more prominent than the last time Anakin had truly paid attention to it and Anakin wonders when this child of theirs will come into fruition. He wonders if Master would care about him having a child, he wonders if he will scorn him for his attachment, he wonders if he will strip away his title as padawan and master.

Anakin is willing to abandon this whole marriage if his Master just as so mentioned the possibility of abandonment for breaking the Jedi codes. 

Padmé lets out a faint sigh and her eyes look towards her stomach, her hands continuing to caressing her stomach gingerly. "I worry for our future, Anakin. What shall to be of us when this child is born? We cannot hide this forever and Obi-Wan is surely bound to fi--" 

Anakin gets up from his seat and walks towards Padmé, seating himself besides her and clasping his wrists into his own hands. They're more thinner and more fragile than the wrists the fantasizes holding, swallowed up by his hands, but he holds them all the same, bringing them upwards against his face, and he offers Padmé a small, reassuring smile. 

"Don't worry about anything for now. Just think about me and the child, that's all you need to care about," Anakin tells her and he caresses her face, rubbing his thumb over her skin and brushing a few stray strands of hair out of her face. "Promise me, you won't fret over such useless things."

He lays a kiss on Padmé's cheeks and strokes her hair, slowly and deliberately, Padmé giggling softly underneath him as she looks content, placated by his words. 

"Alright," She tells him, leaning into the touch. "Nothing else, but you or the child. I promise you."

He wonders what it'd feel like, to have his Master beneath him, smiling at him as if he were the center of his universe, but he wouldn't know because Master's center of the universe is not him. His Master puts the Jedi before anything else and Anakin is not an exception, no matter how much Master is an exception for him, no matter how much Anakin desires, no matter how much Anakin pleads.

To think about Master when his pregnant wife was besides him, looking at him as if he were truly the center of her world she gravitated towards, left him with a tinge of a bitter taste in his mouth and a sinking heart, but Anakin reasoned with himself that Master was different.

He had to be.

He had told himself many times that Master was master, Padmé was his wife, and that was just how the world goes. Despite the overlap, Anakain had been confident on where his Master had lie, but now, as his child was becoming closer and closer to being born, Anakin's doubts rushed out like a flood, ringing in his ears and leaving him in a cold sweat. 

Anakin pushes his doubts asides and throws another smile at Padmé, hoping that his inner turmoil wasn't visible as his Master had always told him, Anakin being a creature of emotion rather than logic. Sometimes, Anakin wondered if he truly should've became a Jedi, no matter how much he had wanted to be one when he was younger, but he is the antithesis to Jedi, too much emotion and too much hate festering in him. 

Fortunately, Padmé gives him a hesitant smile back, seemingly unaware of Anakin's internal conflict. 

"Though, do try to think of me more than the child. I might just get jealous," Anakin jokes and Padmé rolls her eyes at him, but her lips are wide and her eyes are shaped into crescent moons as she places her hands on the hands that are on her face and clutches it tightly.

"Oh, Anakin. You get jealous too easily," Padmé reprimands him, but she does not look unhappy about it, more fond than anything.

Anakin thinks that that is true because Anakin's love is a burning inferno that swallows everything whole, even Anakin himself. He is taught not to love, to only feel compassion and sympathy, but Anakin's love is obsessive, possessive, and it completely consumes him. Anakin does not remember a day he has not thought about his Master, even when miles away, planets away, and when Anakin had thought Padmé was the one he had loved the most, he had dreamed and thought of her every night, wishing for their second meeting. 

Anakin had wished upon a star once that he had wanted to be free, away from the sandy lands of Tatoonie, away from the arduous labor that left Anakin's whole body aching, away from the place that left his mother crying on nights he pretended to sleep on, and away from the insults of slave, branded onto like a mark.

He had been set free from the chains of slavery only to be chained down once more by his wants. Anakin chokes on his own possessiveness and what Anakin considers his own, he would rather destroy than let anyone else touch them. 

Somedays, Anakin thinks about forcing himself on his Master because his Master's happiness is secondary to Anakin's wants, for what Anakin desires, he gets. Just Master's scent, his existence, and his body is what Anakin desperately wants, but Anakin is greedy and he also wants his Master's smile, affection, and care, so he is at a stalemate with only his longing and impulses, his lust unfurling like a blossoming tree with far too many branches.

For his Master, Anakin is not even in his sights, trailing five steps behind him while his Master marches along without looking back. Anakin may pretend that he leads and walks in front of him, with his domineering words and his reckless actions that catch the disdain of his Master, but he knows that for every two steps his Master takes, Anakin gets further and further away, no matter how much he tries to run or call his name.

"It's part of the charm," He tells her, his hands resting on her hair. "In the name of love, I'd do anything."

The Jedi council would surely look at him in shame for letting his attachments get the best of him, for it is not love that is a sin, but the dark emotions that come along with love: jealousy, possession, envy, and fear. For Anakin, it is as if the negatives are amplified, at times, stifling his love and overpowering the love that kept him grounded and his mind unmuddied. 

"Now, Anakin, don't do anything foolish that'll get you killed before you see your own child," Padmé tells him as she reaches out to trace the scars along his body, lightly and steadily. "I'm not the only one who needs you now."

Anakin is vain in the sense that he likes being needed, likes the feeling of people longing for his presence, for people to desperately wish for him, be it for his power, for his company, or for his love. 

His Master is the contradiction to his vanity as his Master does not need him. He merely cares for him as a younger brother and apprentice, Anakin thinks, because Master looks at him with that same detached look that he's always given Anakin ever since Qui-Gon had died and Anakin wonders if Master was merely fulfilling the wishes of a dead man and he is chained to Anakin out of obligation more than any attachment.

Qui-Gon had entered his life in a flurry, of freedom and of power, but he had left as easily as he came. 

He respects the man, feels the mix of gratitude and admiration at the mention of his name or the occasional passing remembrance of the man he hadn't spent long with, but had owed his future to. 

Sometimes, though, Anakin despises Qui-Gon for being the only man that his Master truly revered and cared about and he is merely a corpse that's thirty feet under, but he's got more importance to his Master in just his pinky than Anakin's whole being does and Anakin cannot help but hate and envy the dead man.

Anakin is the tradeoff that his master had made in exchange of Qui-Gon, one that he is probably not fond of, Anakin thinks. 

Padmé is different in the sense that she looks at Anakin as if he were worth the galaxy and more. It is nice, it is warm, but it is not what Anakin wants or so desperately craves for. 

_Sometimes_ , Padmé reminds Anakin of his Master, with the same regal look in her eyes and the elegance she holds in every motion and every breath, but then she looks at him as if Anakin were someone to be loved, speaking gently and tenderly, and the illusion shatters.

Kind and patient, his master was, but loving and affectionate he was not. 

He had loved Padmé as if he were chasing after a star, attempting to grasp the sun in his hands, something out of reach like his Master was. Now that Padmé was within his grasps, it was only then he realizes that he was merely chasing an imitation of the sun, someone he had so desperately wished to be the sun but was merely someone Anakin had projected as a sun so it did not seem so impossible to have one in his palms. 

The light was warm, blinding, and everything that he has wished for, but it was not the light he truly wanted, no matter how much Anakin pretended it was.

"There you are, staring and drifting away," Padmé snaps, pulling him away from his thoughts. "What's got your mind so twisted up nowadays?"

Anakin hums as he leans his face into her hair. It smells of strawberries instead of the scent of nature that his Master always had. "Nothing, darling. I'm just thinking."

"Thinking? About what?"

"It's nothing you have to worry about."

Padmé stays silent for awhile. She doesn't respond and Anakin glances at her in question. When he does look, she's got that look in her eyes and Anakin wonders if he's said something wrong. 

"You know," Padmé hesitates, as if she didn't want to bring it up, but she does, with her eyes flickering upwards towards Anakin as if accusatory. "You've been drifting a lot when you're with me. I don't know what's got your mind bunched up, but I'm starting to wonder if you're having second thoughts."

"Second thoughts?" Anakin pulls away from her. "I'm going to have a family with you, Padmé. I've decided this as soon as I heard the news."

"Yes, you're going to stay with my and the child, but is it out of a sense of duty? Do you truly want this for yourself, Anakin?" Padmé burrows up her brows and looks him in the eye. 

"Would you even believe me if I said yes," Anakin says, and he tries his best to look sincere. It's not a hard task to do, for as much as Anakin loves his Master, there was still some sort of love he had held for Padmé. Anakin just doesn't think it was the enough amount that Padmé deserved and gave, but Anakin is sure that after Padmé bears his child, he would love her the same way he loved his Master, maybe even more. He is the most sure, he tells himself. 

"At times, Anakin, I question your love for me. If the only reason you stay with me is out of obligation or some kind of sense of justification," Padmé says and her eyes darken, her expression shifting in the slightest of ways, but Anakin has spent so long with Padmé, had shared the most intimate moments with her, that he'd have to be a fool not to pick up on the slightest tics and tells that Padmé had.

"Don't ever doubt my love for you, Padmé."

She bites her lips and she only ever does that when she is most afraid or uncertain because it is unbecoming of a lady and Padmé had tried to force it out of her; she only ever does it unconsciously now. "I know. It's just stupid, Anakin, but I still worry. I don't know anymore."

"Your uncertainty is unneeded. You are my most treasured," Anakin says. "I'll make you understand." He leans over towards her and slowly takes hee hand and intertwines their fingers in a slow, but confident pace. 

"I love your hands," He kisses them and they're too smooth and thin to be hands that Anakin longs for. 

"I love your hair," He presses a kiss into her flowing locks that she's pulled out of her tie, but they are too long and too dark for strands that he wishes to cascade his fingers through.

"I love your smile," He tells her and he presses a kiss against her lips but they are too soft and dainty than lips that he imagines time and time again, imaging running a finger over them and kissing them.

His hands travel towards her face and he brings their foreheads together as he stares at brown eyes that stare back at him. "I absolutely adore you." 

And Padmé's own hands are brought upwards and they rest on Anakin's shoulders, clutching them tightly as if she were afraid he would disappear from her sight like water flowing through fingers, and Anakin wonders if one day, he will.

He is sure that he will, without a second thought, if his master ever demands it of him, but his master does not demand it, nor does he need or want Anakin, so Anakin merely closes his eyes and feels the warmth of another person besides him. 

"I love you," Padmé whispers to him, as if she were telling him a secret, and she gingerly presses her lips against his, like she was making a promise with him-- a vow. Anakin does not know if he was willing to keep them. 

Anakin kisses back though and when he pulls back, he whispers, "I know."

He does not say "I love you" back though, because as much as Anakin lies to Padmé, he wants to tell her at least one less lie. 

He'll love her soon, he tells himself. He'll love her as soon as he sees one look at their child and everything will be solved. Anakin won't have to worry about a single thing anymore because one day, he'll finally say these words back and truly mean it. 


End file.
